In a first-of-its-kind measure, Pakistan prime minister Imran Khan has announced a 'TV insurance' scheme for the benefit of distressed cricket fans who break their television sets after each loss to India
Feel like breaking your television set after Pakistan loses to India in a cricket match? Fear not, for you can now get your TV insured, if you're in Pakistan.
In a first-of-its-kind measure, Pakistan prime minister Imran Khan has announced a 'TV insurance' scheme for the benefit of distressed cricket fans who break their television sets after each loss to India. Writing to the United Nations secretary-general Antonio Guterres, the former cricket legend has prided himself on what he calls a "game-changer" for the country and has already accused India of not cooperating.
"Now more and more people of my country can increasingly vent their anger and emotion on a television set, instead of becoming terrorists. Your move, India," read a sentence from the PM's letter, a copy of which has exclusively been accessed by MyNation's Pakistan correspondent Vodka Dutt.
The first word of praise came in from the quarters of Pakistan's former wicket-keeper brother duo, Kamran and Umar Akmal. "We have dropped and breaked TV many time but today we are Inshallah insured so now we safely drops televisions Inshallah," (sic) smiled the senior Akmal, before inadvertently dropping our correspondent's microphone. Opening batsman Ahmed Shehzad, on the other hand, promised Dutt that she too, could avail of the scheme if she converted to Islam. Taking a cue from some of India's student activists, a group of ardent Pakistanis promptly broke their TV sets, screaming the slogan "TV, tere tukde tukde honge, Inshallah Inshallah!"
According to sources, satta bazaars across the country have now moved on from cricket matches to placing bets on the number of TVs broken in each city, after every Pakistan defeat. While the scheme has drawn a slightly underwhelming response from Pakistan so far, it has opened to widespread acclaim from the Indian media, with many Indian journalists asking PM Modi to take a leaf out of his counterpart's book. "One PM is busy giving insurance, the other is busy testing our endurance!" read an article on The Squint, by socialite Tauba Dey.
Though there hasn't been any communication from the Indian government in this regard, finance minister Arun Jaitley is reportedly mulling replicating the scheme in India, with viewers required to mandatorily link their Aadhaar numbers to their TV sets, in order to claim the insurance. Meanwhile, Pakistan's foreign ministry has reacted positively to the rumour. "It's heartening to see both countries admire each other's schemes. Imran bhai really loves the Shaadi Bhagya scheme started by Mr Siddaramaiah and now we hear about Mr Jaitley," exclaimed Pakistan foreign minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi.
While the Congress party is yet to officially comment on the development across the border, one of their MPs clearly expressed his full admiration.
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Chaa Gaye guruuuuuuuuuuuuu!" (sic) screamed former cricketer Navjot Singh Sidhu, clapping vigorously with tears of laughter, as a Pakistani fan blissfully smashed his TV set after Pakistan's loss to India at the Asia Cup 2018.
(Disclaimer: The above article is a work of satire)
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